in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
