Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
