speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
