remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
