she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
