I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
