I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
