i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
