A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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