I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
