Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
