After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
