Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
