and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
