well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
