It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
