I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
