giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
