I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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