I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
