I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
