Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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