ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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