my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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