I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
