Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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