I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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