So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
