He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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