ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
