White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
