I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
