why didn't you poke me back
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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