im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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