Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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