oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
