your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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