I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
