I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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