Swine flu. Run for my life!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
