the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
