what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
