You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
