Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
