SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
