she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
