sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
4 words: hood of his car
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
