For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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