Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
