He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
