it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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