i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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