Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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